Fika

I am exhausted

with convincing myself

that that the content of this black tea

will be enough to sustain my day

or even that one cup

of you is enough.

Be something more

than my morning coffee

like the bitter-sweetness

of the early afternoon

accompanied with deep breaths,

the type that you take

when you finally feel content.

Life

All my leaves have

fallen at my feet,

a tree

dry and brittle

but there are nests

in these branches,

proof that life 

is merely a season

                       away. 

Untitled (Intentionally)

Can I take your insecurities

and fuck them

how they were meant to be?

Can I use them up

until they shiver? They can

tell me to stop 

but not mean it. 

They can scratch against

my back - I'll like it. 

I will elicit a response

and cradle your 

I wish I was better 

until it comes out of you 

and into me. Let me taste

your inner hesitancy. Let me

digest it into something else,

like a better sense of self,

like a fuller version of me. 

Trust Falls

It is the most 

frightening trust fall:

being surrounded

by trees that shade

with resentment,

poison ivy crawling

up satin like sheltering,

cold nights spent

in my own skin.

I have been falling 

into myself, wondering

the moment my strength

cannot catch me. 

Light Me

Chemistry is

a book of matches. 

Friction 

creates a flame

that only lasts 

until a breath too heavy.

But what can light me

that is not temporary? 

No Easy Exit

There will never be

exit signs illuminated 

in my eyes.

I crumble

like the walls of Jericho

when you leave;

it tends to be

the promise land

without me. 

Love Me

like you loved your first
car with the dents
and rust and windows
that don't roll up or down,
stuck in one place and on some
days, just the right place.

like that stray mutt
that doesn't leave you alone
ever since you made 

the mistake of feeding it. 

like autumn
even if it gets cold because 

of that sweater you always wear

that some people tell you is ugly.

imperfectly 

timelessly. 

Lunar Man

He stands next to me

our arms brushing

like many summer nights

on the same white picketed porch.

He points out how the moon's

brightness matches December's

briskness. I turn slightly away

to view 

and I see him

and the man of craters mirroring

each other. I wonder

if he now sees himself

like I do:

illusive, yet so fucking real

for those who went through

space and stars

to land there. 

Enlightened

I desperately

consume understanding

because you are a

psychedelic metaphor

I struggle to comprehend. 

Can we walk barefoot

even in the gravel

to feel everything

like it was intended?

I craved a travel partner

and this trip

confirms your perfection:

a sober mystery,

but I am enlightened. 

Temporary Affection

This must be

how tree branches feel

about strong winds

moving them

to the point of breakage

yet never committing

to being a hurricane

that will carry 

them: limbs, bark,

trunk and roots -

until the end.  

I Know

rock bottom by

the scrapes on my knees

from falling for your apprehension

after tripping over 

your ambiguity. 

I should have let

the scabs fall off

before picking myself apart

because a part

of me loves

that scoffing mentality

and pretending you know me,

but worst, that I do not

know you. 

Clown

You make me a clown

and I juggle

for your entertainment. 

The downside of being

a performer is that you 

like me more with the stage

makeup on. What if

I dropped the act

and held just this emotion

so tightly that it embodied

into something

other than a rubber ball

bouncing in my stomach?

Would I still be something

to watch or should I expect

the crash of circus tents

to be the end of me? 

Moth vs Butterfly

When a man compliments

me I feel 

like a moth

and chew through myself

while waiting to see

how long it takes

for him to notice the colors

of a butterfly. 

Misunderstandings

You mistook me

for a solution

and when I could 

not be anything

other than myself

you made me to be

a mistake. 

I mistook you

as you a solution 

and when you were

nothing but yourself

I believed briefly 

I understood;

my mistake. 

Severed

She has good hair

on her head

and a good head

on her shoulders

but sometimes

it disconnects

severed by feeling

that her mistake

was failing to use

her heart in a way 

that didn't use her up. 

Coping

Feed me the truth

at places with 

white tablecloths

where they serve 

the type of wine 

that tastes like

coping.

Chilled

I am cold

like water

solidifying 

to ice. 

Did you think

I wouldn't

turn to a brick

after being 

chilled time

and time again?

Homesick

You:

in the way 

I miss the smell

of rain goosebumped

across evergreens

like how I breathe

in when I consume 

waterfalls

like how I breathe 

out when waterfalls

consume me 

for the reason

that rose gardens

are full of thorns 

yet so many colors.

Dark Spots

If I wrote

a final goodbye note

I would indicate

to everyone (no one)

how I was insignificant

anyways. 

Mascara

I waste a lot of money

on expensive mascara

that ends up staining

my pillow cases