Drink

They left with barely a goodbye

and you are too intoxicated

to realize that

loneliness isn't cured

by strangers sitting 

at your table 

but by that warm feeling 

resting inside your chest. 

That is what will tuck

you into sleep tonight. 

Sea Salt

I have this shell up to my ear

and I can hear the ocean roar

but the magic of sea salt,

whether swimming around my ankles

or in deep dark chocolate,

is not here. 

I'm holding this shell up to my ear

and I hear your voice 

making a promise to return my call

but the magic of confidence,

whether rippling around my shortcomings

or through my misgivings

is not here. 

You

are not here. 

Mixed Emotions

Before I could be angry

that you had invaded my coffee shop 

I wiped espresso off my lips

and fluffed my hair

as if you ever cared

about my hair. 

Oh Hey, Blogspot

I promise, I had not forgotten about this blog. I guess we just needed some time apart. I have needed time away from a lot of things and people and I have more clarity now than I have in a long time, maybe ever. 

I really want to get back on track with blogging. I would also like to invest more time in promoting this blog and gaining readership. I have at times viewed writing as a pastime, but I am realizing that it is a continuous activity in my life and I may as well do something with it. 

Keep a lookout for more regular postings. And don't even remind me how many times I have said that before. 

Loss

I am not sure when the right time to write about the loss I've experienced since January will be. I'm not even sure it all started in January. I just know that when my body is not fatigued from working at least 50 hours a week, my mind is fatigued from having too much time to think. It's funny how one can't seem to win either way.

I don't really cry, although I often feel bricks in my chest. Sometimes it happens in the middle of helping a customer, or when I am doing dishes in the back room. Sometime it occurs when I try to sleep at night. At other times, I pull over on the side of the road, intoxicated by far too many emotions.

How is it fair for so many people to make you feel like you aren't enough when one person who was always so encouraging is no longer there? There is no balance.

At times I wonder if investments ever pay off. I was invested in, but I constantly doubt myself. I constantly wonder if I am capable of releasing the appropriate payoff. And the time I have invested in others seems to be meaningless in mere moments.

It has taken an hour for me to write this. And I still don't feel like I should post it. For once, I'm not afraid of vulnerability. Instead, afraid of so much more.