Silly Rambles About Love

Here is something about being sick: it gives me way too much time to think and watch romantic comedies with friends. The combination of the two does not bide very well. Individuals tend to act as though unrequited love is the victor of heartbreaks. But my opinion, all though very biased and one-sided, significantly differs.

There is something to say for those who are willing to love without holding back and without too much thought. I like to say that these people "live in the clouds" and aren't very intelligent. While that may be true, I am a bit jealous of them. I see many people who are unafraid to make an effort. Disclaimer: I'm in no way advocating forwardness or attention seeking. Matters of the heart and the head should be dealt with class. But these people possess a confidence that I lack. It's the confidence that says "even if my heart is shattered in a billion pieces, I'll be OK". This confidence may not be in themselves, but it's invested into life in general. The "things will work out" mentality tends to be one that I mock while I hold a "things will work out if I use my brain and work extremely hard" thought process.

When it comes to falling in love diving into a shallow lake (dramatic) all is fair, yes? But it's not. Love and war are one and the same and someone always loses in a battle. My battleground is myself. The victor of heartbreaks is the staunch ache of knowing you aren't enough to even reach our your hand for it. The victor of heartbreaks is never having the high of love, only the withdraws of it's absence.

I say it's a simpler life without the games, the wondering, the highs, the lows. But truth be told, it's not. Today I had the thought "someday, all of my friends will be in love and I won't relate". What then? At this point of my life, it's alright to take my time and be alone; but I'm closer to 25 than 20 and I've never been close to "falling in love". I've been pinned as pessimistic but that's a misunderstanding. It's simply fear, and one that I don't want to hold on to.

This is a long/rambling/random/deardiary post, especially after so long of not posting. But now that I have the blogger app on my iPhone, maybe I will return more often. Till then!