Editing Died

Am I moving backwards because I don't think
twice about my line breaks? Some say
stay put on the publishing, just follow
your dream, write your heart out, right
the wrong out. But honestly, I'm speechless,
penless, wondering where are my senses.
This feel like music but I have no rhythm
in my rhymes. After all, feelings don't really
matter so I gather all of this up and throw
it in a trunk with a lock. It will catch
dust because it already caught dreams. My
paper, a dream catcher, the one place I spill
my anger, where honesty and destiny meet.
I am not an artist. I am a robot controlled
by editors I will never meet because they label
my work as amateur. Maybe it is but I've already
lost too much of the child in me and sometimes I
just want to feel the breeze while I swing,
rather than the criticism. I want to cheat
on uno and checkers instead of the fake words
I write, I lie. So poetry says that this isn't
concrete and there's no imagery. I discount poetry
and say this paper is my dream catcher, catching
dust on your desk, the place I come to quit.

Poetry

If life is poetry than love is the line
break. Give me space to think, time
to believe. The first verse is friends,
the second I believe to be hate
but in between I think of the way
you rhyme with I. There is power
in our silence. There is strength
in the words we do not speak. Keep
me in this stanza. Don’t let me slip
into an ending .

Freewrites!

I can't seem to write anything of length or value lately. But I have some free writes I thought that I would share. I have some new things coming up in my life. I will probably be moving out on my own in September, and living downtown. I am transferring to a university. And I got a new Student Leadership position with ASPSU...I have my own desk! So hopefully with new things will come new ideas and creativity.

First Free-write
My professor said to distinguish between think
and feel buy they have blurred into a shade
of gray. My awareness of you makes me aware
of myself. So I spend an extra moment
in the mirror, thinking of improvements,
thinking - feeling, insignificant.

You draw out other versions of my shadow,
I drown in myself.

Second Free-write
Regret devoured creativity.
I prayed for a clean heart
but I got a muddled mind.
And when I reached for your hand,
there was no grasp because I am
invisible.

Third Free-write
I am in no way interested in you. I have a
mental list of the pros and cons and the resolution
has been negative. But Pride and Prejudice
has ruined me, tell me you love me,
at least like me so that I can say
"No". I will relish in the crumbling
of your pride and mine will rise.
I vowed to myself that one day
I would reject and deny near perfection.

Random Line
I am a soldier of loyalty
at war with other versions of myself.

Hmmm

I temporary deactivated my Facebook account. It was kind of just off of impulse. Before deactivating, there's a confirmation page to make sure that you want to deactivate. It said "these people will miss you on Facebook". I read all the names it listed and thought, "Oh, please" and clicked confirm.