Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Dumbstruck (Random Draft)

I saw you on the bus
with a bag, a bagel, and a book.
William Stafford, huh? You were
attractive. It reminded me

of that country song. Except
you didn't have a sexy tractor,
but pages with the same
poems as mine. I think you felt

me thinking about you like
someone can feel another
looking at them. But when
you said hi, I promise
I was looking out the window

at the pond where the ducks
bobbed their heads into the water.
I identified, because at that moment,
I could only duck my head,
and say, hello.

3 comments:

  1. What country song? From bringing that up, I want to know more about it, because I know nothing about the song except that, apparently, the person in it has a tractor.

    "...I think you felt/me thinking about you like/someone can feel another looking at them..."
    This really tripped me up. A bit of awkward wording, could you reword it?

    The last bit is interesting, and I kind of want to see more, but I don't know what it is I want to see more of, whether it's more of the situation that you've shown, or something haha

    -Kyle

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  2. The song is "She thinks my tractor sexy"... dumb country song, ha! But I was trying to connect it to the fact that the speaker was attracted to this random person on the bus because of what he was reading... not just him. And yes, I agree with the rewording. I was just trying to get it out there.

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  3. haha! That is a weird title :P I think the title could be used.. There are a lot of country songs out there, and I'm certain there's more than just that one that includes a tractor :P

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