The Needy Person's Guide to Not Being Needy

I think it goes without saying that in general, individuals should be respected. But sometimes, people make it difficult. This post will be different than most of my posts. But after a lot of experiences, I feel like I should get this out.

I understand that people need each other. Each of us desire to be wanted, loved, and ultimately, understood. But needy people (according to me) do things counter to achieving the previously stated. They may think they are making progress toward this goal, but in truth, they may attract the wrong types of people with this unnecessary behavior. 

I like to consider myself an independent person. To be fair, I often go to the extreme of independence which is also unhealthy and can result in the alienation of people whom I actually care about. But the one thing I try desperately hard not to be is needy. This is relevant to how I am when I am interested in a person, with my family, and my friends. So I think that I can at the least supply some tips based on my own personality and observations.

Tip One: Don't publicly criticize yourself. The ultimate reason for doing this is to get someone to disagree with you. But after a while, reassuring an individual that they are beautiful, or good at singing, or excellent at ping pong gets really annoying. In addition, it can make someone who is less attractive, or good at singing, or excellent at ping pong feel badly about themselves. I do understand that there are times to talk about your insecurities. There are friends for that. But check your surroundings and motives. 

Tip Two: Don't tear down own other people in order to build yourself up. You end up just looking like a jerk. Not everyone can decipher the root reason of this action. It will drive people away.

Tip Three: Don't deny that you are needy. Perhaps this should go at the top of the list, but I'm writing as it comes to me. Denial of your neediness only makes other people expect more of you. If you know that you tend to be a needy person, own up to it. People respect honesty... at least I do!

Tip Four: Don't act like no one cares/loves/wants/needs you. It's a backhanded insult to those who take their time/money/energy/care/compassion/love/friendship and give it to you. Doing this is downright rude. It's similar to tip one; you want those people to disagree with you and tell you that they care. But why would they want to do that when you just threw it away? 

Tip Five: Don't make excuses for yourself. I get it; everyone does this. But what I mean is that if you are in a bad mood because you had a long day at work, got into a fight with someone else, didn't get enough sleep, or (for women) it's your time of the month, don't use those things to take liberty with how you act with others. How is this needy? Well it's depending upon everything around you to control your mood and expecting other people to switch it if you aren't in a positive mood. Things/people/situations can alter how you feel but it is never a valid excuse for how you treat those around you. This is something I can work on... I will be honest about that. But I guess the difference is whether you can own up to it or not. If I want respect, then I have to act worthy of respect regardless of situations surrounding me.

Tip Six: You have a problem? Fix it! Stop whining and complaining about it and asking everyone else to fix it for you. You're a capable person and the only way to prove it to yourself is by doing things. 

I think that the above things are a pretty good start. Now, some of my friends may read this and get offended....first off, this is a combined thing based on observing more than one needy person... and I also invite you to write a blog post/FB note/personal message/letter about how to not be an emotionally closed off, complexly proud/insecure, and stubborn person.