Just for the Record

Just for the record, I'm more complicated than I would like to admit. I over analyze everything, especially myself. Sylvia Plath said that she either liked people way too much or not at all. I'm the same way. People are more important to me than I ever utilize words to express. For some strange reason I find it easier to tell the very people I care about that I don't need them in my life (true story, I just told a friend that a couple weeks ago). I hold way too much in until it eventually comes out all wrong. I express myself but it is misunderstood, and this is probably my own fault.

I want to appear put together. I like for it to seem like I have a perfect plan for my life and I'm following it precisely. I like for people to think that I'm entirely capable of working all week, having a garage sale, planning a party, and cooking for twenty people without things going wrong and still looking completely in control. Truth is, my hair looked terrible at that party, I was running around like a crazy person all day, and I forgot to get gas and ran out that night. Yes, friends, this is the real reason it took me ages to run to the store for more beverages. Fortunately, few of you read my blog so my secret is relatively safe.

My point is this: I'm still figuring things out; but let's be honest, when do we ever stop? For every question answered, a new one comes up. For every new situation or period of life, different problems need solving.
In some ways, this is really depressing because it is as if I am working towards an end that doesn't exist. And yet, it's comforting to think that even though you may not sit and blog about your "issues" you have them too. Goodness, you may not even be aware of them, but they undoubtedly exist. And the people who can take the time to analyze my problems probably aren't self aware enough for me to pay attention to. I think I'll stick with those crazy, sometimes annoying, people that at times drastically misunderstand me yet still stay around when I tell them I'm fine without them (lies.lies.lies). Just for the record, thanks.